What am I doing? What do I want?

Husband’s busy finishing up his courseworks these few weeks = staying late at school.  I know my girls (especially Alethia) would love to spend as much time with daddy as possible so I suggested to bring the girls to Regent at night to have dinner with daddy yesterday.

So yesterday afternoon I planned to cook and bring the food to husband’s school and eat together.  I meant good.  Several things came on my mind when this dinner idea popped – 1) this would bring some motivation and relaxed time to husband in the midst of his battle with papers writing; 2) I got to get out of the house with the girls; 3) Alethia and Sophia got to spend some time with daddy; 4) Husband got to have some healthier food.

While I was prepping for the food in the afternoon – I felt so tired, stressed, and annoyed by the girls kept bugging me.
I lost patient toward the girls, and I was mad at myself – why did I always turn good intention into angry, bitter and upset ending.  What am I doing!  What do I want!

I am too greedy.  A lot of times I want the most out of everything, unrealistically.  I need to learn to live with limitations; I need to learn to live with lower expectations toward myself and my family;  I need to really think about what I am made to live my life and how I could live it out.

When I see Alethia getting frustrated at playdates or lost her temper in the tiniest things like cannot pull her pants up after pee-ing.  I am upset with her behavior but I am more upset with my own behavior – that she must have picked up how to react through her mommy.

I can rely on no one but my Creator.  Remember me, and have mercy on me.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Edmund said,

    Just share with you a song:





    He knows! He knows!

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